The Simple Solution

"Yeah that was a good workout."
"Oh yeah? What did you do?"
"Oh you know, just the usual 3 hour stint. 6 supersets of double 3/4 blitz-blaster concentration curls, supersetted with upper pec isolator reverse flys."
"...What?"

Whenever you manage to actually get yourself to the gym, you may very well immediately regret inadvertently placing yourself in the vicinity of the wonderful company of your typical gym goers. Gym goers who are conducting somewhere around 3 hour routines, half of that time probably spent flirting with themselves in the mirror, smiling at themselves with that oh-so-sexy look in their eye, and a good portion of the other half filled with exercises that would probably do better being part of someone's "Dancing with the Stars" routine.

Personally, every time I go to the gym, I find myself involuntarily inundated with these same self-proclaimed "fitness gurus", who preach the holy Word on how to conduct a proper workout. That is in between all of their smiles and flexes and whatnot. Of course, in this wonderful fitness-club-land, everyone is right... in their own heads. In reality, they are probably in all likelihood giving you the worst advice you could ever afford. Conducting a proper workout is actually very simple - a lot simpler than most would have you believe. Instead of doing every exercise under the sun, trying to hit every muscle from every angle and then some, just try this for a radical idea for a change: stick to the basics. It's quicker, 10 times more effective, and a lot less confusing and complicated. For literally 2 hours of lifting per week, you will get better results than that mirror athlete in the corner doing all of those pointless supersets and dance routines, which accomplish nothing other overtraining. The key is intensity. Not volume or frequency. Do 2 separate days of training, 3 exercises each. Ideally one lower body (or whole body) exercise and 2 upper body ones, with maybe a couple sets of an exercise for your abs as an afterthought. You'll be done before the drug-pumping beach bum gets done with his warm-up. Let's run through a quick example schedule, one that would do you just fine.

For day one, The number one exercise you want to do is squat, and squat hard. Squat heavy. Squat as if you were trying to push the ground away from you. Don't use weights my 6 year old cousin could lift. Go as heavy as you can. Feel free to start light at first, to get your form down, but increase slow and steady until you are using weights that make the bar bend. Squat low, to parallel. Not an inch sooner. Have someone watch you. If you stop short, the rep doesn't count and you have to do it over again. Do 5 sets of 5, 8 sets of 3, or one set of 20 of each and prepare to collapse. After that, do standing overhead presses for your upper body pushing structure, along with all your stabilizers. Use 4 sets of 6 or 3 sets of 8 for those. Ram the bar up over your head so hard that if you let go over the bar (don't let go of the bar), it would go through the ceiling. Go heavy - don't use weights my grandmother could lift. After that do curls for your arms. Same sets and reps as the overhead presses. Use every ounce of energy you have left, don't let up. Do a couple sets of crunches and you are done. The whole thing should take less than an hour as long as you don't loaf around.

For day 2, follow the same scheme, but with different exercises. Start with the deadlift, and do it hard and heavy, just like the squats. High reps or low reps, it's up to you. But try to pick the same rep scheme for deadlifts as you did with the squats. After that, do power style bench presses. Use a back arch if you need to so your elbows don't go past your shoulders (it's bad for your shoulder to do that), but keep your butt on the bench, and don't make the mistake of bouncing the bar off your chest. Use a controlled motion lowering the bar, and then ram it back up. After that, do pull-ups, palms facing away from you. Make sure you lower your arms all the way in between each rep. Work up to around 30 or 40 lbs tied around your waist and you'll start to look like the guy in the poster on the wall at your gym. Use the same sets and reps for those as you did for the two upper body exercises on Day 1. Finish up the workout with a couple sets of leg raises for your core.

Now, that's all you need to do to get big and strong, don't get fancy... your body will punish you for it - trust me. The body can only take so much of a beating, and if you overdo it, you'll get nowhere fast. You need to reserve your energy for the big exercises - the ones that work, and no more. If you want, and have the energy, at the end of one or both workouts, pick up a 100-150 lb sandbag, bear hug it, and walk as far as you can with it until either the bag falls out of your grip, or you can't walk anymore. That is called a finisher, and if you try it, you'll find out why.Only if you feel up to it though and haven't hit an hour yet.

Do yourself a big favor and write everything you do down. You can't progress very well if you can't remember the weight you last lifted. Someone once said: "The weakest pen is better than the strongest memory." This can't be any truer when it comes to workout records. Abide by this and rest assured you will always be growing.

Add weight to the bar every week in at least one or two of the exercises each day, and focus especially on the squats and deadlifts. Be sure to eat right - lots of fruits, vegetables and protein, with healthy fats. Don't eat yogurt, beans and salads alone thinking you are being healthy while doing this workout, or you'll never make it. Your body is a diesel engine, and it needs fuel. Give it what it needs. With all of this just remember KISS. No, I'm not telling you what to do while looking at yourself in the mirror at the gym. I'm saying "Keep It Simple Stupid." Stick with this for a few months, making sure to continually add weight to the bar, and you will most certainly distinguish yourself from the booby bumping mirror athletes - guaranteed. You'll probably be done before them, and still have time to actually do what you want in life.